First Year As A New Mom
I always heard that, when it comes to your kids, time flies by. I can honestly say that I am in shock that my little man is one. How is that possible? I feel like I just brought him home and was trying to figure out what I was doing? But here we are, a year later. I want to start off this blog by stressing how much I truly love Grey. He is absolutely perfect in my eyes and everything I ever dreamed of. I fought hard to have him and had a slightly dramatic start to motherhood due to my complications. However, everyday I look at him and I am beyond grateful that this perfectly healthy and handsome boy is mine. I will spend everyday for the rest of my life trying to be the best mom I can for him and I will do this without hesitation. With that being said, motherhood is not what I thought. This. Is. Hard. (Caution- read the WHOLE blog. The beginning may frighten new mamas lol #hardtruths)
Lets start with the pregnancy. Woof. I feel like there is such a stigma around expressing that you don’t like being pregnant. Everything was puffy. Like everything. Things I didn’t know could get puffy…were puffy. I was either sleeping 20hrs a day or not sleeping at all. No middle ground. No solid comfortable 8hr stretch. Heartburn felt like the actual flames of hell were coming up through my body. Leg cramps. Encountering certain smells that could make you not want to eat for a week. Missing wine and cold cuts like nobodies business. All while craving waffles at 1am. I will say that some of my physical discomfort might have been blood clot related (I’m being sarcastic. It was definitely blood clot related) but holy cow was I uncomfortable. I would workout, do yoga, go to the chiropractor, get massages, even tried acupuncture and there was just no making this mama comfy cozy.
Then my gorgeous chunk was born, via c-section, which I then had to recover from while taking care of newborn. You also have to insert breast feeding every 2-3hrs, constantly checking that he’s breathing, worrying every 10secs something is going to happen, sleep insomnia, and sore nipples… yes SORE nipples. As he gets older its the fears like “what if he falls?”…”what if I drop him?”…”what if he chokes?”…”what if he can’t roll back off his tummy in the crib?”…”what if this product I’m using isn’t safe for him”… ect. ect. ect. All while trying to still have your normal life while scheduling everything around your leaking boobs… “If I leave at 1:15 I can race to store, and be back by 2 so he can eat”- insert crying baby at store. Milk. EVERYWHERE. Then you cry because you feel like you’re wasting it. Or you’re just crying because you’re tired and not sure the day. Or month.
Before you know it your little human is on the move. They are into everything and you are trying your best to be faster and one step ahead in order to keep them in one piece. Your morning routine has turned into an hour long process because while you were implying just trying to brush your teeth they crawled over and emptied the trash while unrolling an entire toilet paper roll. Insert baby proofing and putting all things on higher shelves. Peace out home decor.
With all of those things being said there is so much more that goes into it all. Yes, I was huge and puffy and uncomfortable. But feeling him kick and move around never got old. Going to doctors appointments and listening to his heartbeat was quickly my favorite day and sound. Watching him grow from one ultrasound visit to the next was mind blowing. Falling in love with someone I had yet to meet, face to face, was the best feeling in the world.
C-Section pain is not joke but how can you dwell or focus on the pain when you have the most amazing and beautiful distraction ever. Hours could go by and I would realize I had just been sitting watching him sleep the whole time. The first time that he latched was by far the proudest moment of my life. Not only did I grow him and birth him but I was now going to feed him. Just like that. Just me and him. For everyday that I was sore and wanted to give up that second he would latch I would look down and think “this is worth every ache and every sleepless night.” A bond like that. A moment like that. A feeling like that. Its something I wish for everyone.
Then the milestones start to happen. He’s rolling. He’s sitting up. He’s crawling. He’s walking. I found myself constantly wanting to get to the next milestone to make things easier. “Oh it’ll be so nice when he can hold his own head up.” “I can’t wait until he walk and get some of this energy out at the park.” Well, here we are and all I want is to slow down time. A year? How has it been a year? This sweet tiny human that I would wrap up like a burrito is one?
In the moments it is hard to appreciate certain things. Yes, my ankles may have been the same size as my thighs but I am pregnant. I was able to get pregnant. This gift is not something I wish to take for granted but often did. What is all comes down to is this. I had complaints, I had complications, I often felt lost and overwhelmed but I will do this journey again because the outcome, and the moments in between, outweigh it all. Being Greyson’s mother is truly a gift. It is my legacy and my biggest passion. Somedays I feel like I’m failing but even on those days I promise he will know he is loved.
I heard a quote a while back, when I was first pregnant, and at this stage of my life feel like I have never heard something so true… “The Days Are Long But The Years Are Short.”